In the forest a bird lays on top of the world, she closes her eyes, and starts to dream. She went to sleep and practised her hunting skills when she was dreaming. In the dream she uses it as training for catching her prey. She believes that sleep isn’t for rest but for practice. Everyday the bird uses the trees as resting spots for when she has used a lot of energy when flying. The sun’s heat keeps the bird going. The sun is an indicator for the bird to predict the weather and time. The sun shines the light on the earth and its reflection told whether the bird was in a good position or not.
The bird takes it’s time when hunting for it’s prey. During this time, she plans a strategy and conducts traps in which it would help her catch her prey easier. She needs to do this in order to survive. One day she sees a snake and is very curious on it’s destination, she had seen it before. So the bird follows this slithering snake through the forests. Tracking it footstep by footstep and then the snake stops and gives a look and smiles at the bird. The snake knew that the bird was following and continued to smile. Instantly the bird and the snake built relationship and together went hunting and catching animals to eat.
They both had great skills in hunting, the snake would use it’s ability to become sly when killing. The bird had the power of flight and could see and hear any incoming prey. She was a great indicator of any annoyances. Both the snake and the bird became enhanced with great food. They realised that they actually worked better as a partnership than being individuals. The bird and the snake had a great time, on the other hand the bird had not seen the sun for a long time. In fact it was raining everyday, for the past few weeks. The bird was worried and tempted to prey everyday until the sun came back. But every night the bird was constantly waiting for the sunrise and it would never come.
The sun didn’t really bother the bird for he had a vast amount of resources and was happy. The snake was feeling a bit peckish one day and decided to go out and hunt for some animals. So it went out in the rain, all cold and shivering then it sees a nice fruit in the wilderness. It felt very hungry so this was a great opportunity for him, so he ate the nice, shiny, red fruit. It tasted awful, but he was full. In the next few days the snake dies, and the bird was eating all the food they had captured.
March 30, 2015 at 4:35 pm
Wes, this is a really interesting piece of writing. I am waiting to hear the moral of the story – the way it is written makes it sound like a traditional folk tale.
Targets:
1) Try to very the way you start sentence. You often start with the noun (e.g. ‘The snake…’). This becomes a little repetitive.
2) In some sentences you are missing the odd preposition.
3) You should try to develop the tone of your piece. Try to make the reader feel something through your writing. You should use descriptive phrases to do this.
Current grade (when finished):
31/40 (B3)